I usually start off a new journal with writing a sentence or two about how difficult it is to make the first mark in a pristine journal, the first mark on the first page. All this blank space waiting to be filled, but already it is filled with potential and expectation. Even when the expectation is my own and no one elses, there is expectation to write Great Things.
I feel that way about blogs. New blogs, or blogs I that I have not written in for some time, are full of expectations. Why am I writing? Why did I not write? As if I need to justify the existence of the blog.
So, really, if anyone does end up reading this, I'm sorry. This entry is not for you. Even though blogs, by nature, are written with the public audience in mind, this entry is not really for you to read. Writing for an audience impacts my thoughts and styles, helps me be thoughtful about diction and grammer, and can help me connect to an online communities which are lacking in my meat space at the moment. This blog, no matter how much inherent narcissism exists in the medium, is always at least a little about the you-that-is-not-here-yet.
It is here to make that first blemish, to lower my own expectations. It's easier to address you-who-do-not-yet-exist. This way when I hit publish I will feel that something was actually accomplished. The shiny will fade into tarnish, and I will be content that this blog does not need to be filled with profound life changing thoughts, rituals, spells, and prayers. It is enough that it is filled with life's thoughts, rituals, spells, and prayers... and it is enough that life will inevitably change. Hopefully, I will capture a bit of that life and a bit of that change in here.
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